I left school back in almost late 2012,
prior and during which I had been lucky to pick up quite a number of amateur
working experiences through internship, freelanceship, part-time and volunteer works.
Before I was finally able to land in for a job I had to live several couples of
dreary weeks without jobs but seeking for one; that was almost burning all the
academic parts of my body. Life! You have no ideas or might have some but,
well, life during those weeks sucked.
I, however, got a job after some moments searching. I
was committed to the job, which I loved and felt passionate for. As times grew
forward, I was conditioned to selflessly convince myself to leave and I happily turned in the letter.
Home sweet home for the second time!
On a conclusive manner, the period of “home
sweet home” are freedom-spraying and, along time, somewhat depressing.
The good point, above all, though, is the
struggle to fight and move on. With reflections, I gotta say I learned and
observed something during those dark and absurd moments of being too free. The
following decipher those knowledge and I'd like to humbly share with all of you.
1- The "great first, rough later" moments....
The period of "home sweet home",
if I'm recalling, might be something like this, or something equivalent: first day was cool; it felt
like there was nothing on my shoulder and, plus, I didn't have to worry, for a
while, about meeting deadlines, which is dead scary to academic people who
procrastinate, like me. The second day was equally cool yet somehow quaint;
third day, fourth day, and the days became weeks and finally puffed into month.
Stuffs went on! I remembered well enough, each day, lounging around, grabbing a
movie, going surfing at several bookstores in town, and, like a boss or
on-holiday-er, leisuring carefreely.
Free times and "no worries" are
great amenities of life but they bring along, along time, boredom, mood swings, hopelessness, or, if during that time you happened to spend more time on the
net, depression will be sure lurking around at the corner; I-feel-like-shit
depression, to be specific.
2- Life sucks and you gotta do something, or else....
Continuing from above illustrations, that's when you would start, which I have, to feel
bad about your own life from the things you have excessively indulged yourself in.
Actor
Gal Gado starring Giesel in Fast and Furious movie series is right when she
said in the fourth movie of the series that, "When your life is on the
line, that's when you learn about yourself." I might sound quite humble-bragging but I am right too, or right-er than her, when I say, "When life sucks, one gotta do something, or else, it keep on 'suck'-ing."
From what my brain still can x-ray, I've done something about that, at least reflecting about those nerve-wrecking moments and mannishly deciding to do something on that. Well, not to mention the soul-enrinching act of reading the two books and reaching another half of another books, which I have dragging-ly convinced myself to win over.
3- You'll miss your previous "job"
Hell, yeah, I do! Not only the job but also the persons at your workplace who deserve your miss.
I would miss the times spent on giving what I have in my head and garnered in life to those entrenched souls of my students who are willingly to improve for the goodness of themselves, their family and society. I'd miss all those weird, fun-packed, activities which I opted to use to help them learn in class. Rolling, backward imaginations of those papers and handouts and my all-in efforts to help those young teenaged adults broaden and lighten their perspectives of living hopefully vividly just popped up.
I would re-re-see the photos taken on my last days with them and re-re-read the emails they emotionally wrote to me upon the notice of my departure.
Somehow, I shouldn't have left? Hmmmm!
Honestly, that job I took was fun and lovely to me since it involved basically sharing knowledge with young people and conclusively nurturing their souls and reviving hopes for some of, if not all of, them who seemed to have well-conditioned, sometimes in their prior life, to be somehow hopeless about life. Humblest to the core, I was breathing and living the job, giving all I could offer. Personally, I loved the job!
As part of recalling, then, as stuffs droned on, several reasons for me to leave the job came along, reasons which
preferred not to be addressed. Afterwards, I turned in the letter and happily
left. The hunch that I would be dealing with tough times once again due to the
fact that I would be too free hit me but, well, in life one has gotta make a
choice when needed to.
Now, I hope those willing and passionate, yet underprivileged and needy, students could continue to have and consume the opportunities to change their lives and, later, their family's for better in the future.
4- Life is full of trade-offs; choose wisely
From my little knowledge on economics and
its related stuffs which I picked up from several readings, trade-off is one of
the epic-est concept, about which, despite its sexy epicity, I haven't cared
much until I am conditioned to face with real-life stuffs to digest the notion.
In life, one will face with lots of trade-off. You get to do something and your
time and energy for another will not be fully focused. If you are gonna get one
thing, you gonna drop another, which is exactly what I have done and seen from
this period of "being too free".
The fact, for example, that I chose to
leave the job definitely has relieved some burdens from my daily life and granted
me freedom and that would no longer generate monthly income for me.
Plus, during those dark absurd moments of
being unemployed, I found some more trade-offs. If I were to get up late, I'd
miss bidding my family members goodbye when they are out to work and study; if
I were to lounge around I would miss some chores which I had planned to finish;
if I were to catch a movie, I would not able to go get myself some books. In watching
movies itself, if I were to watch, say, The Fault in Our Star, I would save
Godzilla for next time. And, etc!
Trade-off! Countless of it in one's life. The best thing about trade-off is, perhaps, to make sure that the thing you
choose over another is rightly fitting and would brings improvements, benefits
and happiness to your life.
5- Patience and positive thinking would help...
Getting up late, which feels grand, making
myself late-morning coffee, splurging my times extravagantly on the trapping
internet, feeling bored, meeting depression, stopping the internet thing,
exercising to lesson the growing bums in my head, and stuffs were then my daily
activities. Or, sort of. A depressing fact you gonna deal with is feeling
depression sooner or later.
Having patience and believing that things will better themselves under your actions will help you do something and results will shine itself.
I have learnt, from that, that worrying that my life would continue befriending depression will not help soothe my mind; it would exacerbate the depression part. Sometimes, as I remember, I would stay up late, fretting out how long I would be strong enough to hold to deal with such ordeal, which helped nothing but keep me awake and spoil my brain. At one certain level and jiffy, that would lead to self-imposed feeling of being useless and my brain would execute a verdict that I shall disappear, avoiding and staying away from people and things.
But would that really help? At first, somehow yeah, but not in the long run. Avoiding means, I learnt later, stop living already. And, why stop when there are beloved people around to fight for?
At the time you are reading this, I might already be landing with a new job, thanks to patience and positive thinking (and my actions upon believing).
6- The benefits of saving, budgeting and multiples source of income
Above somewhere, I've written that my choice to be free leaves me no more salary. I still can survive, though, my daily living with all the little savings I have put up so far. Life then, again, was a bit different, mostly in that I could on longer easily splurge money on unnecessary things. Yet, with a bit of my savings amassed, I was able to live quite the way I used to, meaning I could still somehow spend money on things my mind would, after a considerate number of temptations, tell me to grab.
Furthermore, yet, I've learnt to filter out my needs from wants, allocating my budget for the most important things only. Savings still help in spite of that I'm not of a "spending-spree" man. It, too, feels great that I could still earn an additional amount, though smidgen, of money from my taking up some freelance works of writing and translating.
Well, with those knowledge, what we usually read from those respected "finance literacy" authors are damn right.
Earn, save, budget, spend! Repeat the process!
7- Expressions on SNS, like Facebook, don't solve one's confronting problems
If I have to confess, I spent quite plenty times on Facebook during that period of "no work" in hopes that my life would finds some inspirations online. There didn't seem many things to do back then, though, and, for a being like me in this digital era, online life is a part, though somehow virtual, of this existence.
Oppositely, that abundant indulgence on Facebook only get things worse. As times passed, bad feeling about myself came along and something hit me at a time, something like "What am I doing here, on this site?", "Do people really care about my problems?" "Why should I want people to see my life as relaxing than theirs?", "Shouldn't I be doing something more worthwhile?" and other blah-blah-blah thoughts.
It's damn right that having some times of your day online for expressing and taking about your real life will somehow help you attach to the world whom you unknowingly expect that would care about your this-and-that talks. What is wrong is your unknown expectation.
After all, one's problems are not solved by being posted or "#-ed" on Facebook or Twitter. Somewhat, those sites are just where "modern" individuals go online and, in a way, humble-brag about their on-going lives.
Whoever say this, "Never tell anyone your problems, 20% don't care and 80% are glad you have them (unless you mean something to them).", are right. Well, if one is confronting the problems, one must really act to solve them after bullshitting about those problems on the internet.
In conclusion, this period of unemployment bring both "knives and flowers" times for me. The most important thing about it, yet, is life does go on and probably we all might have to make the living count. Somehow, my friends, I think I have! Unemployment might suck but what you react and do during that period would fetch a different result.
Above somewhere, I've written that my choice to be free leaves me no more salary. I still can survive, though, my daily living with all the little savings I have put up so far. Life then, again, was a bit different, mostly in that I could on longer easily splurge money on unnecessary things. Yet, with a bit of my savings amassed, I was able to live quite the way I used to, meaning I could still somehow spend money on things my mind would, after a considerate number of temptations, tell me to grab.
Furthermore, yet, I've learnt to filter out my needs from wants, allocating my budget for the most important things only. Savings still help in spite of that I'm not of a "spending-spree" man. It, too, feels great that I could still earn an additional amount, though smidgen, of money from my taking up some freelance works of writing and translating.
Well, with those knowledge, what we usually read from those respected "finance literacy" authors are damn right.
Earn, save, budget, spend! Repeat the process!
7- Expressions on SNS, like Facebook, don't solve one's confronting problems
If I have to confess, I spent quite plenty times on Facebook during that period of "no work" in hopes that my life would finds some inspirations online. There didn't seem many things to do back then, though, and, for a being like me in this digital era, online life is a part, though somehow virtual, of this existence.
Oppositely, that abundant indulgence on Facebook only get things worse. As times passed, bad feeling about myself came along and something hit me at a time, something like "What am I doing here, on this site?", "Do people really care about my problems?" "Why should I want people to see my life as relaxing than theirs?", "Shouldn't I be doing something more worthwhile?" and other blah-blah-blah thoughts.
It's damn right that having some times of your day online for expressing and taking about your real life will somehow help you attach to the world whom you unknowingly expect that would care about your this-and-that talks. What is wrong is your unknown expectation.
After all, one's problems are not solved by being posted or "#-ed" on Facebook or Twitter. Somewhat, those sites are just where "modern" individuals go online and, in a way, humble-brag about their on-going lives.
Whoever say this, "Never tell anyone your problems, 20% don't care and 80% are glad you have them (unless you mean something to them).", are right. Well, if one is confronting the problems, one must really act to solve them after bullshitting about those problems on the internet.
In conclusion, this period of unemployment bring both "knives and flowers" times for me. The most important thing about it, yet, is life does go on and probably we all might have to make the living count. Somehow, my friends, I think I have! Unemployment might suck but what you react and do during that period would fetch a different result.
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