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Saturday, November 14, 2015

Hello From The Other Side

The song, as you might have known or heard, is a huge hit. Despite the painful memory it seems to have brought back, I've been listening to it, just like, probably, you and others out there. It's been the hundredth time already. It's melodious while at the same time stabbing too, for which reason I dislike, for a short moment, the crew who's made this song happen. It hurts, you know. The wound has just got better a bit and now it is triggered once again. I've tried to suppress the fought-back pain. It ain't easy. 

I listen to it and try to indulge, calmly, in its sublime-ty. Silence won't just work. The meaning is so strong that I feel shaken, most of the times, as the tune drags on. Especially at nighttime when I try to sleep. In a way, it's serenading. In another way, when the words shoot through, from my ears to my head, my chest pounds; chokingly. It's true. It's just too strong to resist. So powerful. Why are you back? I know you listen to that too. I still check up on Facebook. I've seen that. So that one specific night when, just like other days, darkness ruled the world, I couldn't stand the song as I listened to it. Every words stabbed through my chest and throbbed to my blood. I felt pain once again after all these years I've been trying to get over it, moving on. Why would you come back? Why would you leave in the first place? There were voices all over, in my head. I couldn't sleep. The voices were too strong and loud. It ain't a fantasy. It's bombarding. It almost exploded, I swear. It hurt. I wanted an answer, a satisfying one. I, then, realized I didn't even stand a chance in the first place. I ain't even in the game. There are too many things I want to ask. I want to know; answered. It's just childish wants, after all.  

Monday, September 14, 2015

Life: Hey, You Can Do Better!

Dear  people,

There is actually this pain-in-the-ego irony some, if not all, of you are facing and, thus, needs clarification. As a youngster, you see adults as fun, joyful, and full of awesomeness; or sort of such. Once, you solemnly thought it would just be cool for you too when you reach that stage of life, wishing time would elapse fast, at double triple speed, into the future. So that, you who were once young, free, cheer-spirited, non-egoistic, and un-judgmental could, as adults, have the same things, embrace the same awesomeness, and feel the same coolness. After some years, which is reflectively fast in just several blinks of eyes, you’ve turned adults. Yay! Fun times with those awesome things you once longed for! Having co-existed with you along these sadappy (sad +happy) years, as a sublime form of existence (and perhaps of great significance to all of you), I am happy for you. As I am about to congratulate you, you step in, rival, and thrust a long list of painful complaints―some dramatic―into my face, which hurts my mouth and makes me solidly conceptualize that you are just a pain, not in the a-s-s, but in the face.

As a tool for revenge, I should bombard you with this long list of questions, which I suspect would degrade your current state of happiness―which, for some, might be already low. I would ask questions like: how are things going on with you, being adult?  How have you, as a well-behaved and good-hearted (as I conceptualize) adult been enjoying all the awesomeness? Don’t you have good, memorable times, and will have a lot more, with your girl/boyfriend, just as your older brothers, sisters, or relative once had when you were not caring at all about the future? And, how’s the job going? Aren’t you learning and at the same time getting to travel as much, and earning good amount of money from the so-called perfect job you love—just as, again, one of your maternal uncle had at the time you were just small, playing happily under the sunlight? Do I, uh, too have to mention the precious Lexus your father’s elder brother had, and which he had driven your cousins and you to school during your primary school days? Do you happen to like your own Lexus?  Do you want me to go on? For the calmness of your emotionality, and mine, I’d rather not. One final, though (and I’m sorry if you feel bad for this): how’s your heart? Perfect in its starting condition? Keep that to yourself!

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Another 32 Trivia of Me

For the 6 months I didn't contentized this blog, I’ve been busy; lazy; depressed; suppressive on self-expression. Whatever you might have seen that! Most of the times, God knows, for some reasons, I’d like to keep things to myself. Somehow, I feel bad about that, and for that, I apologize, sincerely, for those who, once in a while, come to check if I have presented up another drama.

Whatever comes to your mind, I’m sorry, and we’re here again. So, here it is: a new article for this blog after a long silence.

I once, on this blog, wrote some facts about me. Those 51 things some of you might have found interesting though some of which are probably, to some, weird. Thank you for your good read. For those of you who haven’t gone through those, you can read it here, before going through another 32 pieces below.
  1. I still love reading, and by some lucks, have switched from reading websites to reading books though books are quite more tedious and require more attentions in reading. I still read articles on some websites, though.
  2. Of all the movies I’ve watched, I’ve enjoyed them to a good level. I’m still having this temptation to write a review.
  3. The first abroad country I’ve been to is China. It was early of this year I went there. Had a very great time there!
  4. I don’t watch too much TV these days. I spend time with myself more.
  5. The two authors that are dominant in my reading so far are best-selling Robert Kiyosaki (I’m reading a book of his and it’s his third book I’m reading) and Nicholas Spark, whose novel The Best of Me I’ve finished the other week.
  6. I collect name cards and use them as bookmarks. Weird? Convenient, that way.  

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Raksa's Rain?

I have been hard on myself since then. Seasonal wind came and went and, as days turned into nights and the cycle repeated itself, I didn’t remember, and still don’t, feeling either the heat, warmth or coldness the weather have brought along, or have changed. Not because I have regarded the weather as a trivial thing, but, maybe, my brain has been occupied and, for some weirdly good reasons, I don’t see it an advantage wasting my human emotions with the weather.

Not for today, yet! When the weather comes so harshly, to a degree that I couldn’t help ignore it. The sky has been rigid dark, absurdly, all days long since the morning—since my eyes caught sight of it. And not after a minute I have decided to cold-heartedly and effortfully drag myself out of bed and flopped into washing room, the rain, which fell boisterously last night, starts to pour once again. The washing room is a tiny downstairs, for-all room with a traditional set of shower, considered obsolete by some, a toilet tub, a half-watered bucket which had a water-cup floating on it, a shelf, under a mirror, filled with two toothbrushes (both are mine; I’d like to keep, for a personal reason, the old one there), a long toothpaste box which is thin at the tail and a piece of soap that was eroding days after days. Into the mirror, I saw myself: flesh that covers my body, my beardy face that is embedded with thin blacky shadow—well, if you look closely—and, I hate to mention this, many other things on my body; not to mention the black spot on my lower lip, which people whom I know intimately tease to be a sign of me being good at, amongst other things, talking and cursing, and that is so contradict to the reality in which a simple me doesn’t talk so much—at least since then.  

Thursday, December 25, 2014

A Lost Soul Turns Stronger!

I heard the news, shocked.

I thought about that, doleful.
I thought more, sorrowful.

I tapped myself, bewildered.
I sat there, blurred.
I closed my eyes, darker.

I shut myself, failing.
I repeated, lingering.
I turned, wishing.
I felt myself, sickening

I rivaled the voice, fragile.
I wanted to jump, senseless.
I tried and pushed, stuffier.
I cried a bit, excruciating.
I went on, devastated.

I paused, gallant-er.
I dried the eyes, determined.
I drained the voice, better.
I opened the eyes, lighter.
I stood up, brighter and aliver.
I promised myself, stronger.

photo credits: