Search This Blog

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

An L-word Promise That Motivates.....

It is the damn word all yearn to have, especially those newly afoot into that little thing. 

It was 2011. May, 27, the starting point. No exact time recorded! 

“I think it will be time for you to say that to me, honey.”

“Not yet,” comes a reply, “We’ll see and hear. We just start, hey!" 

"But? Um, I have done this a lot to prove my..." to which a reply cut through: C'mon! It will be time, just like you say; not now, though. I do want to but, um......

"Promise me, okay? I'll get to you again on New Year's eve when we are going to hold hands, walking under the lighted breezy street. Then, you will have to go with the reality: you and I, forever." 

Riya, now a bit touched, okayed, smilingly.  

That was after 3 months, in which their relationship evolved; not that remarkably, though. It's just that Veasna started picking Riya up and dropping her to her destinations and on weekends they meet at local cafe for so-called completing assignment. 

There was another tough assignment ahead they didn't notice. 

It was exactly 6 months now the couple had been going out. November, 2011, for now. 

Veasna, the guy, was in this love for the first time of his life and the depth of which he had plunged was quite deep. To be honest, Veasna didn't even know if he ever has his heart in this love. Some friends teased and he stepped in with a confession and here they were. Love ain't crazy and was he rushing? 

But, there was no 100% acceptance, either. Chakriya was also tough and wouldn't just lose her heart. She was a type which kept testing to see if things really fit before she pick them for future walk. 

These 6 months was quite really good, ranging from late-night Facebook chats, check-ins at various local stores and places, Instagram photos and whenever-necessary phone-calls. 

From above the heaven and the sky, all holy beings were surprised, extolling such growing bonding between the almost-couple couple.  It's one month away to the promise. I'll win that challenge, Veasna, now a senior in Business Analysis at a local university in Phnom Penh, Cambodia, told himself. 

Sadly, for this month, they had no more regular outing and meet-ups as Veasna was now busy with his study, dealing with tons of homework, assignment and term papers and Riya out abroad as per her parents' request. When Riya broke that news to Veasna, shocks comprising of frustration and neutrality was freezing in Veasna who, then, was calmed down by the reassuring words of his lady. "Don't worry, V. I'll be back, heh; not gonna be there forever, huh! How can I leave a handsome like you?" 

They did keep skype-ing and Facebooking. That was one month away from New Year, and Veasna had been thinking how sweet yet again when they would meet, which was promised on December. Veasna even furthered his thoughts into a possible imagination that marriage would even bless their lives more and that, and if that worked, he was readily love-inspired to fight for any confronting obstacles, and that he would make a good one-another couple for his beloved who now seemed to catch up with something new, something for some reasons, were invisible to Veasna's thoughts. 

Those were just imaginative thoughts and Veasna knew full well the illuminating notion of "actions spells louder than words." He, too, didn't seem to be aware of another concept that colorized love as blind and of Buddha's famous teaching that desire was the root of all miseries. Yet, the optimistic, innocent, glass-wearing senior didn't even have time to bubble up all those ideas in his head. He had ways too many stuffs parking in every corners of his brain already, and Gods and he knew better that the image of his love was dominating. 

The anxiously-awaited finally appeared itself into happy meet-up. They, finally, met up again one month later, on the last day of year, and something happened, something that both, yet Veasna more, didn't see coming. 

There was, of course, the L-word, an unexpected L-word. The two, since then, are just merely known strangers to each other. What happened that day was witnessed by noble holy creatures from above, some of whom questions hard the tragedy while some notional-ized it as a normal of adult life. 

What happened that day, that evening had taught both good learning lessons, yet what the sky saw more solid and clear was that Veasna had more to learn from that event. A small active part of the sky, though, reasoned, with acumen, that Riya too will have to fight against her ego, and the weight of doubts Veasna was holding were hers too.  

One year later, Veasna went on with his life, knowing full well there were more in life to be joyous about. Once in a while, he journeyed his memory backwards and somehow the pain was still there. 

He actually, after his two-month internship at a local NGO that he would describe as a place from where he had a lot improved his skills and life, got a full-time job as business development executive at a Japanese company in town. 

One evening, feeling weary after work, he browsed through his old memories; books, papers, folder, collections, etc. He was not fearful. His inner friend challenged that he had not really had let go the mischance and he needed to make sure himself this doubt which had been living within him for a year needed to be cleared today. The result would not matter, and as seemed and like philosophized, first love would always be first love even if it was already gone. 

Veasna at least had an answer and he needed to do something, at least for himself. Now, in his room, with a blue emotion, witnessing sick moves of people strolling along the the road that was opposite to his window and a sorrowful temporary hiding oneself of the sun voluntarily plunging itself down into the edge of the limitless horizon, Veasna was recalling words of a friend, his semi-closed friend, who was an indie writer. One comment from their private online chats was "I was amazed and appreciative at how you went through this despondent twinge, bro. I have read and written such stories and my feeling emotions are there, though I haven't 'whatever' enough to experience such. Love, expectation, heartbreak, letting go, etc are just normal parts of human's life. I don't know if you have let such wretchedness go back and find its ways to it source. It's still in there, somehow, yet once in a while, trust me, you might want to consider taking it as learning lessons and move on with your life, which is precious. And, if you choose to do so, I'll be here by your side, my friend. I do hope you re-think this and wish you all the good lucks. Life is precious and love is a part of it. Losing a one who thinks journeying with you throughout life is not well-worth shouldn't be a remorse since losing a one who doesn't value you enough shouldn't be sad at all."

Veasna then seemed to digest some edges of the consoling words and he knew full well at the end of the day he had to make a choice just as his once-beloved Riya had made one for herself.  

This piece is about #Veasna&Chakriya. Read further, after years, Chakriya's Letter and Veasna's Hello.

Kindly Bookmark this Post using your favorite Bookmarking service:

No comments:

Post a Comment