Hello From The Other Side

The song, as you might have known or heard, is a huge hit. Despite the painful memory it seems to have brought back, I've been listening to it, just like, probably, you and others out there. It's been the hundredth time already. It's melodious while at the same time stabbing too, for which reason I dislike, for a short moment, the crew who's made this song happen. It hurts, you know. The wound has just got better a bit and now it is triggered once again. I've tried to suppress the fought-back pain. It ain't easy. 

I listen to it and try to indulge, calmly, in its sublime-ty. Silence won't just work. The meaning is so strong that I feel shaken, most of the times, as the tune drags on. Especially at nighttime when I try to sleep. In a way, it's serenading. In another way, when the words shoot through, from my ears to my head, my chest pounds; chokingly. It's true. It's just too strong to resist. So powerful. Why are you back? I know you listen to that too. I still check up on Facebook. I've seen that. So that one specific night when, just like other days, darkness ruled the world, I couldn't stand the song as I listened to it. Every words stabbed through my chest and throbbed to my blood. I felt pain once again after all these years I've been trying to get over it, moving on. Why would you come back? Why would you leave in the first place? There were voices all over, in my head. I couldn't sleep. The voices were too strong and loud. It ain't a fantasy. It's bombarding. It almost exploded, I swear. It hurt. I wanted an answer, a satisfying one. I, then, realized I didn't even stand a chance in the first place. I ain't even in the game. There are too many things I want to ask. I want to know; answered. It's just childish wants, after all.  

Life: Hey, You Can Do Better!

Dear  people,

There is actually this pain-in-the-ego irony some, if not all, of you are facing and, thus, needs clarification. As a youngster, you see adults as fun, joyful, and full of awesomeness; or sort of such. Once, you solemnly thought it would just be cool for you too when you reach that stage of life, wishing time would elapse fast, at double triple speed, into the future. So that, you who were once young, free, cheer-spirited, non-egoistic, and un-judgmental could, as adults, have the same things, embrace the same awesomeness, and feel the same coolness. After some years, which is reflectively fast in just several blinks of eyes, you’ve turned adults. Yay! Fun times with those awesome things you once longed for! Having co-existed with you along these sadappy (sad +happy) years, as a sublime form of existence (and perhaps of great significance to all of you), I am happy for you. As I am about to congratulate you, you step in, rival, and thrust a long list of painful complaints―some dramatic―into my face, which hurts my mouth and makes me solidly conceptualize that you are just a pain, not in the a-s-s, but in the face.

As a tool for revenge, I should bombard you with this long list of questions, which I suspect would degrade your current state of happiness―which, for some, might be already low. I would ask questions like: how are things going on with you, being adult?  How have you, as a well-behaved and good-hearted (as I conceptualize) adult been enjoying all the awesomeness? Don’t you have good, memorable times, and will have a lot more, with your girl/boyfriend, just as your older brothers, sisters, or relative once had when you were not caring at all about the future? And, how’s the job going? Aren’t you learning and at the same time getting to travel as much, and earning good amount of money from the so-called perfect job you love—just as, again, one of your maternal uncle had at the time you were just small, playing happily under the sunlight? Do I, uh, too have to mention the precious Lexus your father’s elder brother had, and which he had driven your cousins and you to school during your primary school days? Do you happen to like your own Lexus?  Do you want me to go on? For the calmness of your emotionality, and mine, I’d rather not. One final, though (and I’m sorry if you feel bad for this): how’s your heart? Perfect in its starting condition? Keep that to yourself!

Another 32 Trivia of Me

For the 6 months I didn't contentized this blog, I’ve been busy; lazy; depressed; suppressive on self-expression. Whatever you might have seen that! Most of the times, God knows, for some reasons, I’d like to keep things to myself. Somehow, I feel bad about that, and for that, I apologize, sincerely, for those who, once in a while, come to check if I have presented up another drama.

Whatever comes to your mind, I’m sorry, and we’re here again. So, here it is: a new article for this blog after a long silence.

I once, on this blog, wrote some facts about me. Those 51 things some of you might have found interesting though some of which are probably, to some, weird. Thank you for your good read. For those of you who haven’t gone through those, you can read it here, before going through another 32 pieces below.

1. I still love reading, and by some lucks, have switched from reading websites to reading books though books are quite more tedious and require more attentions in reading. I still read articles on some websites, though.
2. Of all the movies I’ve watched, I’ve enjoyed them to a good level. I’m still having this temptation to write a review.
3. The first abroad country I’ve been to is China. It was early of this year I went there. Had a very great time there!
4. I don’t watch too much TV these days. I spend time with myself more.
5. The two authors that are dominant in my reading so far are best-selling Robert Kiyosaki (I’m reading a book of his and it’s his third book I’m reading) and Nicholas Spark, whose novel The Best of Me I’ve finished the other week.
6. I collect name cards and use them as bookmarks. Weird? Convenient, that way.  

Raksa's Rain?

I have been hard on myself since then. Seasonal wind came and went and, as days turned into nights and the cycle repeated itself, I didn’t remember, and still don’t, feeling either the heat, warmth or coldness the weather have brought along, or have changed. Not because I have regarded the weather as a trivial thing, but, maybe, my brain has been occupied and, for some weirdly good reasons, I don’t see it an advantage wasting my human emotions with the weather.

Not for today, yet! When the weather comes so harshly, to a degree that I couldn’t help ignore it. The sky has been rigid dark, absurdly, all days long since the morning—since my eyes caught sight of it. And not after a minute I have decided to cold-heartedly and effortfully drag myself out of bed and flopped into washing room, the rain, which fell boisterously last night, starts to pour once again. The washing room is a tiny downstairs, for-all room with a traditional set of shower, considered obsolete by some, a toilet tub, a half-watered bucket which had a water-cup floating on it, a shelf, under a mirror, filled with two toothbrushes (both are mine; I’d like to keep, for a personal reason, the old one there), a long toothpaste box which is thin at the tail and a piece of soap that was eroding days after days. Into the mirror, I saw myself: flesh that covers my body, my beardy face that is embedded with thin blacky shadow—well, if you look closely—and, I hate to mention this, many other things on my body; not to mention the black spot on my lower lip, which people whom I know intimately tease to be a sign of me being good at, amongst other things, talking and cursing, and that is so contradict to the reality in which a simple me doesn’t talk so much—at least since then.  

A Lost Soul Turns Stronger!

I heard the news, shocked.

I thought about that, doleful.

I thought more, sorrowful.

I tapped myself, bewildered.

I sat there, blurred.

I closed my eyes, darker.

I shut myself, failing.

I repeated, lingering.

I turned, wishing.

I felt myself, sickening

I rivaled the voice, fragile.

I wanted to jump, senseless.

I tried and pushed, stuffier.

I cried a bit, excruciating.

I went on, devastated.

I paused, gallant-er.

I dried the eyes, determined.

I drained the voice, better.

I opened the eyes, lighter.

I stood up, brighter and aliver.

I promised myself, stronger.

photo credits: prakashghai.blogspot.com

Life As I'm Facing And Hearing It

Taylor "not-so" Swift: I don't know about you but I'm feeling twenty-two and everything will be alright. 

Me: I don't know about you either and I'm twenty-more-than-that but everything aren't alright. Prettily, life is f-up manily here and everything is at its own best in boisterous mess.

John Wade, a famed film producer, said: Life is hard. It is even harder if you're stupid. 

Acclaimed author Jodi Picoult: Hold on strong and endure hard; life is one hard difficult test; you'll pass the test if you keep on clinging. 

Legendary Mark Twain: If all my words don’t seem to motivate you, 21-century adult, maybe you should try “marriage”, which would, for one brave turn, end all these hard-time adulty mess-up. Plus, your parents are doubting too!

My crush―if any: I’m sorry to hear about this hard time. I agree with Uncle Mark Twain. That's right; it's me right there and here for the whole time. I think about you, secretly, days and nights, which, when the factual reality hits me gently in face, crushes my heart crucifyingly―you never know how brutally retaliating that is. Sometimes, you know, I noon-fantasize that you and I are holding hand, walking together, fighting despite all the hardships cursed upon us two. You know, my love―I’m sorry if you’re mad at me addressing you so―we could do this, right? Give us a chance? I don’t want to move on, me-ly, with you as a good learning lesson. I'm just wishing the love which, by any miraculous chances, you may share could take my breath away just as when I was fantasizing about you and I being intimately in love. You know, for the current time, I’ll always be there for you, and, dearingly, I’m insanely in crush on you.  

What I've Learnt From My Life During Un-employment Period

I left school back in almost late 2012, prior and during which I had been lucky to pick up quite a number of amateur working experiences through internship, freelanceship, part-time and volunteer works. Before I was finally able to land in for a job I had to live several couples of dreary weeks without jobs but seeking for one; that was almost burning all the academic parts of my body. Life! You have no ideas or might have some but, well, life during those weeks sucked.

I, however, got a job after some moments searching. I was committed to the job, which I loved and felt passionate for. As times grew forward, I was conditioned to selflessly convince myself to leave and I happily turned in the letter. 

Home sweet home for the second time!

On a conclusive manner, the period of “home sweet home” are freedom-spraying and, along time, somewhat depressing.

The good point, above all, though, is the struggle to fight and move on. With reflections, I gotta say I learned and observed something during those dark and absurd moments of being too free. The following decipher those knowledge and I'd like to humbly share with all of you. 

So Tell Me

There, are things growing in shape?

God, I miss a lot those dates. 

After all the time we're separate.

I'm fine with a complicated mind.

While you're there and I'm just behind.

And the sun doesn't seem to shine.

I try to run and reach to you.

I tried but feel like a fisher at a zoo.

I guess I must find some clues.

Now, tell me what I should do.

Should I stay, go or what?

If I stay, will you be bored?

If I go, will there be comfort?

By any chances, am I worth?

My mind finds mess and thoughts go short.

How long will I have to bear?

Leaving, I heard but don't yet dare.

These complications, I doubt, will float to where?

Apparently, to me, this seems like a nightmare.

I just hope we can forever still live, love, etc. in pair.

No matter what things turn out, I know you care.

So tell me!

Is True Love Worth Fighting For?

Perhaps love is one of the things people mostly need in their life, a thing we all know, without which, life would be dull and ensnared. If dug deeper, there is another so-called sub-topic, which is quite more interesting and even more needed and complicated. TRUE LOVE! 

Does that true love really exist? You call, people. Personally, I think it does. I mean I have seen some couples fighting hard and struggled backbreakingly for their love and brought out the genuine, real authenticity essence of that four-letter word. 

Sometimes, a true love is all about the belief you hold in head. If you do convince s/he is the one, let's heart up and give it a fight those heart-weakening obstacles. If you do further your thought, another question may arise: how do I know s/he the one? Well, sometimes such dumb question can be only answered by your only self. And, only you. YOU, yeah, I mean!

A Love Letter From the 2060s

Not far into a quite arrive-soon future, 2050s or 2060s, life would be still going on, presumably more advancing with a more modernized and complicated technology. To an aspect, people who treasure reading, especially those whose passionate-ness about life are just to stubbornly strong to succumb away, will continue to enjoy reading and learning about life. Probably from those life and love novels that are intriguingly made interesting by people who are termed "best-selling authors" once until their manuscripts get approved and published and widely read afterwards and who, prior to that, are just a normal beings like us with a literary gene and vibe. 

One of those books you would enjoy reading and lose yourself into, in a probable weirder way of reading, is a not-so-best-but-best bestseller indie book called Those Then Decisions And Now, a prospective 2060 novel that would sparks the same viral effects as what John Green's TFIOS has done in this current time. 

A Motivational, Meaningful, Story About Stress-Managing

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

The answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralysed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." 

She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralysed – incapable of doing anything."

Remember to put the glass down.

Or, pure the water out and put the glass away. 

The above story originally exists somewhere on the net. 

7 Slow Melodic Songs To Help Circumvent Your Boredom (And A Bonus)

When you get bored in life what are those that you usually do to reduce the boredom? Trying something to cast away the boredom would sound just perfectly fit. Probably, if it seems, one is bored when their mind is troubled, and not calm. And the reasons? It could be millions. 

Maybe you're staying home while your relatives and friend are on holiday. Or, maybe you are worried about the tedious work you will have to face back soon when the weekend/holiday weeps pass through. Or, maybe, you have plucked in height-y expectation on something that later occur to fail short in result. Probably, either, you're still feeling bad about those ignorance which you have been unconsciously conveying to your beloved persons, say your mother. 

Chakriya’s Catch-up, Clarifying, Apologizing Letter To Veasna

Veasna,

I have been trying to reason out my heart to write to you. Every time, I fell fragile despite all the first conscious determination; my hand would, first, find optimism and then dumbness yet my head would not hold along any righteous courage to write to you. Pissing you off then keeps haunting me. It won’t just fade away. Naturally, I haven't stopped feeling bad about that dejected ordeal which befall on you and which I chose to execute. 

I know I’m now in no virtuous position to write to clarify things out for you: why I jilted you so harshly back then? Things that day were clear enough: we met, I talked, used the unexpected L-word towards you and left, and you were left doubting and appallingly disappointed, almost believing you were that L-word.

Why, yet, do I still write you this letter? Maybe I am still thinking about that event. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not thinking of jilting you again; it hurt me too seeing you flinching after I harangued you. Maybe I shouldn't have brutally pierced your little gentleman’s heart. Whatever reason, I guess, doesn't matter now to you. You don’t care, right?  

Lightening Words of Inspiration: Hunter Hayes's Invisible

Man, I love this one. Hunter Hayes comes back with an inspiration. I'm not a complete total fan but I gotta say this handsome guy with this kind of consoling voice and this soothing song of his that would curl the mind are off-the-hook.

66 Random Thoughts on A Feelingless Sappy April Night

It has been a day, a really tiring day and week. Life still goes on. So, tonight is kinda blue despite the natural darkenss, the darkness outside that is completely clueless and blind and being flirted by half-breezy April nighty wind. The feeling is none and the following ideas generate out, unafraidly.

1. It's kind of happy to just relax after the lunch, doing some reading online. 
2.  It's not always about the money; sometimes, something is too much priceless that money cannot play an effect. 
3. Girls might be tough to read but if in a serious relationship they all want these: appriciaiton, care, security (financial, one of which), future, trust, love, honesty, initiatives, and sweet memories. 
4. The most honest and sincere vision-led politician ever in this world is "mother". 
5. Family will always matter most than other things in one's life. 
6. Selfies on Facebook and other SNS will somehow get your appreciated but won't get your goals accomplished. 
7. Watching movies doesn't have to be at only those swanky cinemas. 
8. The future is flourished with efforts and hard work, not with procrastination and laziness. 
9. Lifestyle is a noun and refers to different choice people choose to live their life. A modern lifestyle is a way of life while simple lifestyle is another. Sadly, so far, to the crowds, modern lifestyle is the only exclusive definition of lifestyle. 
10. Success should be self-defined. Those success theories circulated can be learned from yet you've got to work out and define your own meaning and formula of success. 
11. Friends are a part of life. Some are real while some are fake. Some still think about you despite the distance while some are busy making their life more meaningful. All you need to do is not to judge and keep this friendship going. You're blessed to have friends.  
12. It doesn't matter how much and sweet your words are, actions are always matter more. Girls might like those sweet consoling words but they want to see the actions too. 
13. Worrying over things doesn't make one a millionaire. 
14. Bad days are part of a precious life; just don't mistake bad days for a bad life. 
15. Twitter and Facebook will not get Harvard to grant you a fellowship/scholarship. 

20 Awesome Love-Life Movies Quotes To Learn From

I was born and raised simple-ly as an innocent Cambodian boy. During my childhood, as other kids, I didn't think much about the future; I enjoyed those now-nostalgic childhood things and was quite care-freely childish, about which I wish I had been tapped into a more learning-conducing environment. 

I was sent to school and I have learnt to socialize. A part of me has always seek-ed (sought) out to allocate the meaning of my life. With that, at one time, I started to feel the magical awesomeness of learning and knowing life-related things and notion. The feeling inspires me and urge me to keep on learning things for life. 

Now apart from my academic world, which I feel I haven't achieved much but somehow satisfactory (and a part of me tells me to earn more achievement, which I feel convinced), I have usually tried to seek out to learn more through observing, reading, sharing, watching, etc. 

Among those knowledge-collecting activities, watching movies has always been a part of the routines and has somehow topped the priorities. Dating back briefly, I started the routine because somehow I felt that watching movies could be edutaining, though informally. In a phrase, watching movies sounds usefully good to me. 

An L-word Promise That Motivates.....

It is the damn word all yearn to have, especially those newly afoot into that little thing. 

It was 2011. May, 27, the starting point. No exact time recorded! 

“I think it will be time for you to say that to me, honey.”

“Not yet,” comes a reply, “We’ll see and hear. We just start, hey!" 

"But? Um, I have done this a lot to prove my..." to which a reply cut through: C'mon! It will be time, just like you say; not now, though. I do want to but, um......

"Promise me, okay? I'll get to you again on New Year's eve when we are going to hold hands, walking under the lighted breezy street. Then, you will have to go with the reality: you and I, forever." 

Riya, now a bit touched, okayed, smilingly.  

That's Life.....

The sun was almost out; the dawn was still taking its very breath and cuddling up with the hissing February wind that was bringing along slight heat as it came and went. Cars came and passed, with whirling light, pressing mercillessly on the crooked lifeless road that was pretending. The weather outside was not so certain and the man inside was not caring either. He was focusing his now-disturbed mind on something else, something special. And, something troubled. And something that had not left his mind. Something that was only healed. It had been almost 20 years and the only thing he knew too well was the fact that no matter how much he had tried to act normally, he was still living his days and that he had no issues with that "normal" living was now not hiding anymore.  

"It's coming back again, really?" They were fighting once again after the long-sitting settle-down  that was then for-good broached and coaxed by the then desperate man. 

How I Spent The First Morning of February

It was Saturday, 5 a.m, and as I was waken up by the alarming tune to just be reminded that a new day had just started and that it was, once again, time to wake up and live, I didn't feel like getting up. Not at all. My eyes wouldn't open under the influence of the lazing it-is-weekend mood. With sublime rivaling efforts, I managed to pick up my body, pitifully, and get out of the bed. As I hauled out of the net-covered wooden thing, the normality of feeling of the start of a new day was howling besides and, though still sleepily enthused, I took the chance, economically, to just surge in pure nature of the almost-gone dawn. 

That was exactly 5: 05 am of the first day of February, the so-called month of love and Champion League. Also, it is one of the Chinese New Year days and people are expected to go on holidays. Well, Facebook is not lying (if you know what I mean).

41 Random Uneasy Bad-feel Situations in Life

1. Watching him/her walking away and doubting while you're still in the game. 

2. In any competition, facing the truth that you are rejected for the others are better than you. (Yet, awesome only when you can tell yourself: let's forget and move one and work harder.) 

3. Seeing your you-still-love one posting sweet couple photos on Facebook or Instagram. 

4. Wanting to do some certain things but you cannot just because your ego say no. 

5. Having too much work to do in very limited time. 

6. Being unable to speak your thoughts out. 

7. Knowing that your best friends cheating on you. 

8. Finding out you're no longer matter in someone's life who you still think about. 

9. You're far away and physically impossible and your parent(s) is now ailing sick. 

10. Seeing others better than you and they are looking down on you. 

11. People judging you, using their won yardsticks and not even bothering to remember that each person is uniquely gifted. 

12. Walking in a group in which you don't feel any belonging sense. 

13. When your stomach moans and you still have to sit in class. 

14. Seeing your close friends checking in or posting happy photos on Facebook and you are not even informed of the get-together. 

15. "Seen but no reply" message on Facebook. 

16. Not having enough time for your family. 

17.  Not being able to go home for a family lunch on a Saturday. That really sucks. 

18. Not telling her/him you're into him/her and years later finding out that s/he was into you too. Assumption kills, really. 

19. Losing a loved one. 

20. Your teacher punishing you and not the others for the same mistakes you both did.